A lonely bride

I found myself completely isolated in a house full of people... The first big hurdle of course was the language, i knew absolutely no Italian , my new family knew no English ... apart from Giuseppe , my husband , but he would not help me i just had to learn and learn i did ! not only Italian , but even the local dialect..
When i'd learned enough to comunicate i was convinced it would get easier , but i soon realised that understanding each other's words did not necessarily mean we could understand each other...
Then happiness, joy , i discovered i was pregnant , i longed for the child to be born , to be my family , to make me complete.... I lost my baby about 5 months into pregnancy - Devastated is the only word that comes to mind - I'd lost my brother less than a year earlier, left my home, my family and now my precious baby was gone forever , taking all the hope and joy from my life, my belly was empty , my heart emptier.
My loneliness grew faster than any fetus in the womb, i was pregnant with sadness and despair.
Pregnancy had left me fat , but empty.
Giuseppe had difficulty finding a job ( the difficulty was he didn't want one! )
I begged him to get a job i needed desperately to leave his mother's home , but without regular income it wasn't going to happen. I found a job for myself promoting coffee in supermarkets , it felt good to get out of the house, away from his family .We rented the appartment next door to Mamma , his aunt owned the place and gave us a good deal otherwise i would never have taken a place so close.
I even managed to find a job for him, he turned it down...
He refused to work, refused to help me in the house, being Siciliano , he was the Man... He could not be seen doing housework!!
Giuseppe no longer desired me physically or any other way. I was 22 years old had been married for less than 2 and already my marriage was coming to an end. I dieted so that the flame of passion and desire could be rekindled, lost 30 kg but still he said i was just too fat and although i was underweight at this point i actually believed him and continued to lose weight.
It took me another year to realise it wasn't me who was fat, undesirable, he had fallen in love with my best and only friend .... Friend! That's a joke , how can a woman do such a thing to her friend it's like cheating on yourself! not the same as having an affair with someone, betraying an anonymous wife , she gave me advice on how to make him still love me while planning their next liasion ....
He probably prayed to God he would never find a job, Mamma consoled him and gave him pocket money, his mistress saw to all of his other needs and i worked to pay the rent and feed him and keep house. I thought a million times of running home , running anywhere.... Yet somehow 20 years later , i'm still here------